In the fall of 2002, I decided to move back to Clearwater, Florida from my then home in Los Angeles, California. I flew to Clearwater, Florida to go shopping for houses in preparation for the move. In the evenings, after spending my days looking at houses, I went over to Flag to work on "routing in". Routing in means to go through the steps needed to get permission to go to a particular Church of Scientology.
About four years previously, in the spring of 1999, I had been doing training at Flag, so I saw no problems with this step. However, I was surprised to hear that the FSO MAA Keller Cheng told me that I was not qualified to go to Flag and she gave me a program to complete to become eligible. She would not tell me why she decided this.
Keller Cheng did tell me that it was because of a phone call to OSA. [OSA=Office of Special Affairs, which is the department in Scientology that oversees all intelligence operations, public relations, legal matters, and other allegedly "dirty business". It is the replacement for the old Guardian's Office, which was disbanded in the 1980's along with the arrest, conviction and imprisonment of 11 staff members including Mary Sue Hubbard, the wife of L. Ron Hubbard.] Keller Cheng told me that the OSA person had told her that I had an "unhandled ethics situation" back in Los Angeles. However, she added, she was unable to find any mention of it in my ethics folders. I told Keller Cheng that there was a bad ethics mix-up in Los Angeles, but that it had been straightened out and was no longer a situation. She saw that in my ethics folder.
I asked Keller Cheng what the problem or incident was about. She couldn't tell me because she didn't know. I asked if the OSA person had "put it in writing", and she said no. I asked for the name of the OSA person and Keller Cheng said she didn't know, it was just the "OSA person" who she had spoken to on the phone. So much for justice, verifying authorization, putting it in writing, if it isn't written it isn't true.
None of this mattered to Keller Cheng. I was to be denied admission to Flag and was given an ethics program so that I could perhaps return in the future. Here is a copy of the ethics program I was given. I was allowed to go to a "lesser organization" but I was to be forbidden to attend the local events, which all Scientologists attended. (Note: A lot of people are denied access to events, but no one ever puts that in writing. It is however enforced in person by the security staff.)
There's much more I could say to elaborate on this story, and I likely will publish the full story later. In the meantime, suffice it to say that for four years (until I left the Church of Scientology) I was considered a pariah regardless of what I did to try to get back into good graces, and during this entire time I was never told what the problem was, and so I could never remedy it.
During these four years, I was called into the FSO Ethics Office numerous times. I was given one program after another, but each one was "not enough" and I would be given another. (Here is another program I was given.) I gave up so many times that maybe it could be said I had left Scientology several times already, but time would pass and I would pick myself back up and try yet again.
This time, the leaving is permanent.
For five years (1999-2004) I ran an activity called iTheta. This was an email service for Scientologists so they could get in contact with each other. I allowed people to advertise their businesses or services, put out Church of Scientology event information, enquire about services or products or housing in their area, and many other friendly networking information.
It was so wildly popular that after two years I had about 1200 members on the service and was swamped with working on iTheta as a volunteer. I worked about 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on this. I realized that I needed to go get a job, but I couldn't keep doing both iTheta and get a job (I tried that, but the members screamed holy hell when I didn't give the same level of service to them in this "free" online activity). I offered the members an option to "vote with their checkbooks" — send me a check for $60 for a one-year membership and after 30 days I'd count the checks to see if it was worth my while to continue servicing iTheta for another year, or shut it down. If I didn't receive enough votes of confidence in the next 30 days, I would shred the checks and close iTheta.
Wow! I received over $10,000 in checks. It may not have been anywhere near all the original members, but obviously enough people felt strongly about the value of the service and wanted it continued. And so I continued to run iTheta. I kept an average of about 600 members over the next three years and had two people working for me to help keep iTheta running smoothly.
Now comes the nightmare. This was a moderated email list. There were very specific rules. If someone didn't like my rules, or wanted to argue with me about whether their message shouldn't have been rejected by the moderator (who wasn't me, by the way) the angry subscriber would write some hateful Knowledge Report on me (not on the moderator) and would usually embellish their report with just the right amount of alarming information, and would send this to the Church of Scientology's Ethics Department.
Now keep in mind that this is a business and shouldn't be reported to a "church", but such is the viewpoint and indoctrination of Scientologists that they tattle on anything. And they use these reports when they are pissed off at you. They don't care the consequences to you, of course.
Over time the Church of Scientology received a lot of reports on me — I was a hate monger, I supported the dreaded Bush, I refused allow someone to post their opposing viewpoints to some posted earlier, I hated doctors, I hated the Church of Scientology, I hated them — whatever someone was pissed off about, they struck me with venom on a piece of paper.
What resulted was a long string of "ethics programs" by the Ethics Officer and constantly being dragged in to account for my alleged misdeeds and indiscretions.
The Church of Scientology made it so "painful" to continue operating iTheta and made me think that my future happiness and my spiritual eternity was at risk if I continued with iTheta. So I ended my involvement with it. I gave the members to someone else who would continue the operation (as SuperTheta). That person eventually was likewise pressured to stop his involvement and he gave it away to someone else after just two years.
Did the Church of Scientology want iTheta (or SuperTheta) or the likes operating on the Internet. No indeed! For a "church" that preaches that communication is everything, they really don't want their members communicating with each other. They pressured me with harassments until it was too painful for me to continue my business. And Lili Braun, you were the worst of the offenders! Although Lili Braun wouldn't tell me that I was "out ethics" to operate iTheta and she wouldn't actually order me to close down iTheta, she made it extremely painful to continue. And when I casually mentioned to her on December 4th 2004 that I was considering closing down iTheta, she pounced. Lili Braun told me to have it done and have a Compliance Report on her desk within an hour. I told her that time frame was impossible, but I could possibly do it by the end of day. Do it, Lili ordered.
And so, iTheta was no more. My business was closed down by Lili Braun of the Church of Scientology.
I naively thought that stopping the running of iTheta would end the endless string of ethics programs that had been given to me. It did not. In fact, I think the Church of Scientology thought that somehow I might just be at my breaking point — their original plan.
I worked for a while with another Scientologist friend, Lisa Kolpek, who helped me do some steps called in Scientology "Lower Conditions". These are steps you do when you've gotten yourself into "ethics trouble" and they are used to help you "change".
And change I did. I worked those ethics conditions long and hard and serious and with a lot of effort, creative thought, time, and money. I spent three months on this task.
Did that help? Only for a minute. I did change. I felt better. I wrote it up. I submitted it to FSO MAA Lili Braun and she waited a month to respond with her scoff that I hadn't addressed what she wanted addressed. (Hey, Lili! If you had thought to ever tell me what you wanted, you might have gotten it!) I tried it again on the subject of the Church of Scientology. I worked for another three months almost full time on this. I wrote it up and sent it to Lili Braun who didn't have the courtesy to acknowledge receiving it despite several requests (written and phone) over several more months. So I gave up.
In August of 2006, Lili Braun phoned me and "offered" me a sec check. "Sec check" is short for "security check" also know as a confessional, Church of Scientology style. This means you're hooked up to an electronic devise which registers some of your thoughts. The Scientology auditor (counselor) uses this electronic device (called an e-meter) to direct your thoughts and dig and find "dirt" for you to "confess".
I was told by Lili Braun that I could go to any Church of Scientology to get this sec check done, then she wanted me to return to her afterwards. I first tried to go to Church of Scientology Mission of Belleair because I had money on account there, and they liked me over there. I was told NO by them; that they couldn't do the actions required. This took a month to get this NO answer. Then I tried to go to my FSM who was a field auditor. She told me yes; Lili told me NO.
Then I went over to the Church of Scientology of Tampa. I didn't want to go there because there were people on staff who had preconceived notions about me being a piece of dirt. I was told that I needed to "donate" for four intensives (50 hours of confessional counseling at $240 per hour!) at a cost of $12,000 and that I had to pay for this up front whether I used the 50 hours or not. (Note: If you don't use the 50 hours, you don't get your money back.)
I tried to go to Church of Scientology of Johannesburg in South Africa where I already had twelve intensives paid for. I was told NO.
I tried to get Church of Scientology Mission of Belleair to forward to Tampa Org the $2,264.35 I had on account. I was told NO.
In the end, I paid the $12,000 to Tampa Org.
I received a sub-par confessional procedure which was at times unbearable, certainly degrading. Oh, I almost forgot… before I started I was threatened by Joe Dagher, the Director of Processing, that if I upset anyone during the procedure (which took over a month) that I would be instantly expelled from the Church of Scientology. Thanks, Joe. Your real compassion for your members and fellow humans shows through and through.
Before I made my decision to leave (and left) the Church of Scientology, I endured four years of hell, I was forced to give up my business, and was extorted out of yet another $12,000.
But if you think these injustices and spiritual harassment were unusual, read my next story about what happened even before these four years.